In today's modern world, the topic of sex often becomes needlessly complicated. As we embark on this new era of sexual activity in midlife and beyond, it's crucial to shed outdated concepts and beliefs. It is time to let go of the influences of our culture, parents, siblings, friends, relationships, and experiences. This post covers some simple concepts that you may like to explore as you move into midlife and beyond.
Simplifying Sex in Midlife
Searching ‘Sex at Midlife’ on the internet can be overwhelming. Which contradictory information should you believe? We cannot turn to our ancestors, our mothers and grandmothers, who have never experienced midlife this way. Much of what we think we know, may not serve us at this life stage.
As midlife women with potentially another 50+ years ahead, we are life pioneers, and it's our responsibility to explore, learn, and pass on our findings to future generations. It begins with us.
When we make the effort to contemplate and take stock of our past behavior and the present moment, we can decide what we wish to explore and what we wish to let go of. It's time to simplify.
Sex is Unique
Do you know what makes you feel sexy? Just because you have reached a certain age does not mean life is predetermined or fixed. On the contrary, this is the perfect time to rediscover and redefine what sensuality means for you. Embrace the freedom to explore your desires, preferences, and boundaries without the constraints of societal expectations.
Your journey of self-discovery is ongoing, and the beauty of it lies in the endless possibilities that unfold when you permit yourself to embrace your unique, evolving sexuality. So, let go of preconceived notions, celebrate your individuality, and savor the joy of discovering a sex life that is truly yours.
There is no one on the planet like you. Embrace your uniqueness, including all the badges of honor that life has bestowed upon you – wrinkles and warts alike. These are symbols of a life well-lived, and it's time to take pride in them. Confidence exudes from those who are positive in body, mind, and soul. Regardless of age, an air of assurance emanates when you know what makes you feel sexy.
Sensuously Sensibly Selfish
Unfortunately, it's easy to reach midlife without a clear understanding of who you are and what you like, leading to a lack of confidence for the next stage. To activate and empower your sensuality, be Sensuously Sensibly Selfish.
Spend time being true to yourself, exploring your body, loving and honoring the human temple that has served you well so far. Consider incorporating daily rituals of self-care, whether it's a soothing bath, moments of quiet reflection, or engaging in activities that bring you joy. Embrace the concept of sensuous selfishness as a form of self-renewal, understanding that by nourishing your well-being, you enhance your ability to connect intimately with others.
Moreover, allow yourself the freedom to set boundaries that prioritize your comfort and pleasure. Communicate openly with your partner about your desires, creating a space for shared exploration. Remember, sensuous selfishness is not a disregard for others; rather, it is a conscious effort to prioritize your own needs, thereby enriching the depth and authenticity of your connections.
As you embark on this journey of self-discovery, be patient with yourself. Celebrate the nuances of your body, mind, and spirit. Embrace the evolving landscape of your desires and preferences, and relish the sense of liberation that comes with embracing sensuous selfishness. In doing so, you pave the way for a more fulfilling and satisfying experience of your sensuality."
Honor Your Feelings
Feel your feelings from the heart and tune in to your innate powers of intuition. Confidently explore your illusions and disillusions about sex, recognizing that they are neither good nor bad – they just are. Take time with this process and love yourself for the effort.
In the journey of honoring your feelings, consider it a sacred exploration of self-awareness. Delve into the layers of your emotions without judgment, acknowledging the complexity that comes with a lifetime of experiences. Allow your heart to guide you through this introspective process, appreciating each emotion as a valuable messenger, offering insights into your desires and needs.
As you navigate the landscape of your feelings, be open to the possibility of change. Choose to actively transform thoughts that no longer serve your growth and well-being. Understand that evolving perspectives on sex, intimacy, and self-identity are natural aspects of the human experience. Embrace the freedom to shed beliefs that no longer align with your authentic self, fostering a sense of liberation and empowerment.
Living in the present moment is a profound practice that anchors you in the now. Recognize that what has gone before is not now, and the future is a canvas waiting to be painted. Express gratitude for the present, for it is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Embrace the beauty of the now, relish the pleasures of the present, and let it be a foundation for building a future where your sensuality thrives with authenticity and fulfillment.
Communication Creates Connection
The next step is having the confidence to share your revelations with your partner. Choose your moment carefully, and communicate from a vulnerable place – it's a special time of trust and growth for both partners.
Open, honest communication forms the cornerstone of deep, meaningful connections. Start by cultivating an environment of trust and safety within your relationship. Set aside dedicated moments for open conversations, creating a space where both partners feel heard and understood.
Approach these discussions with curiosity and empathy. Share your desires, fears, and fantasies with sincerity, and encourage your partner to do the same. Be receptive to their thoughts, appreciating the unique perspective each brings to the relationship.
Practice active listening, allowing your partner to express themselves without interruption. Seek to understand before seeking to be understood. Embrace vulnerability, for it is the bridge that connects hearts and fosters a profound sense of intimacy.
Consider incorporating rituals of connection, such as regular check-ins or shared activities that deepen your bond. Explore the language of love that resonates with both of you, ensuring that your communication builds bridges rather than walls.
In this shared vulnerability, both partners can experience personal growth and a strengthened emotional connection. Remember, it's not about finding solutions but about creating a space where both of you can authentically express your feelings, desires, and dreams, fostering a deeper and more enriching connection.
Have Fun and Sex
Fun and sex are inseparable. Whether you're a new couple or have been married for 30+ years, laughter is happiness. The feel-good sex hormones, endorphins, and oxytocin allow the body to relax and may stave off anxiety and depression.
Effort is the key. Lovemaking can be as simple as holding hands, a kiss or peck on the cheek, brushing past each other, or sending notes. Together, explore new ways to be sexual. Include teasing, spontaneity, and always something new, however small.
Create date nights, weekends away, or impromptu meetings. Age is just a number and a figment of the imagination. If you think you can do it, you can!
Finally
And finally, perhaps the most important point of this post is “Never say ‘I love you too’ no matter your age!”
When someone honors you by saying 'I love you,' resist the urge to cheapen the sentiment with a ditto phrase. Such an organic and intimate expression requires no response. Simply accept it with humility.
When someone says ‘I love you,’ you can thank them. Nothing more. No explanation is needed. It is that simple. Expect some strange looks initially, especially during or after sex!
Now that you've reached the end, consider sharing this link with your partner. These concepts apply to both of you and can be a great starting point for a new chapter in your relationship. If any of the thoughts above make you uncomfortable, consider reaching out for a private chat.